Dreamscape
by Javelin the Silent One
Summary: One Fai D. Flourite chooses to attend voluntary psychiatric meetings with partners Kurogane and Kyle Rondart rather than face jail time. But in Fai’s world, anything can happen, and if he’s not careful he could end up destroying the good that is there.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. The idea, movie and book that this is based off of are credited to Ursula K. LeGuin. All scenes that you may recognize are the property solely of the movie's director and LeGuin.

**Authors Notes/Disclaimer**: You know, I don't really post here anymore. And I don't know if I will. I'll post this and from there direct people to my LJ writing journal. It's just...I don't know, I feel like I've sort of outgrown this place, maybe? I mean, this place was a good start for me, really. But I've gotten better, and taking a look at some of the reviewers and some of the writing here, I feel...out of place. I've grown as a writer. I want to move forward.

I feel like I'm being horribly arrogant. I'll be quiet now.

* * *

_There was smoke, and grime, and bits of rock so fine and smooth that you'd think it was sand. But the only waves that rolled over this desecration were heat waves and pulses of radiation._

_Vaguely, as the thin man staggered through this wasteland, he thought he heard the distant drum of atomic bombs in other places—the beat of people destroying one another._

_The man didn't even know where he was going anymore, didn't care. Would not have recognized that he was staggering in the general direction of the place he'd once called home even if it smacked him upside the head. All he wanted—all he would need—was a place to rest his head._

_Which came sooner than expected; the shuffling feet caught, and faltered, and he fell and fell and hit the ground. When he cared enough to open his eyes he saw the thin ribbon of red, felt the beckoning of the great dog with his red eyes and dark fur at the threads of what remained of his conscious._

So this is how it will end.

"_Yes," the man breathed, and his eyes fluttered. "Oh God, please, yes."_

_And then he closed his eyes.  
_

* * *

Rush and pound and fill the brain with blood, fling open the shutters and let in the sickly green light on the yellowing white paint in the room.

_I'm here. I'm here. What am I doing here?_

"Not again," he breathed though his mind screamed it. "Please. Not again. No." He couldn't move. Why couldn't he move?

"You must have missed one of your outrageous doses."

Fai D. Flourite froze, only his eyes having the strength to move to the left corner of his small room. Glasses glinted at him from the darkness, one hand shaking a bottle.

"Hmmm."

Fai couldn't move, couldn't speak. Couldn't even move his face muscles to display the shock and fear that was creeping through his veins like stone—all he could do was sit there, passively.

"Hibiya-san called in when you didn't leave your room for work again. Said something…_peculiar_ was going on." Doctor Mihara moved into the sickly light, holding Fai's half-depleted bottle of caffeine pills.

"Allow me to cut to the chase," he said, moving to Fai's bedside, smile and tone congenial and conversational. "You're being given two options here. The first—you refuse help. That may be what you want—it's certainly what others in your boat have wanted. On the other hand…." He stopped, sighed, shook his head. "All of them shared the same fate; all of them are now one big, happy family in the Clover Asylums."

Fai felt himself inhale sharply, fearfully.

"The other…you voluntarily go for the help that the state is so generously offering to you. Maybe you don't want to be helped. Maybe you're just in so deep that you can't help yourself. I don't know. I don't really care. Accept the help, though, and you remain here among your family and friends."

The blond almost laughed, even tried to, _look at me, look at this place, does it look like I have anything to live for?_ But all he managed was a small cough, barely an exhale. Enough to get the doctor's attention, apparently, and he looked down at Fai again, smile a bit tighter and more frustrated as he stood and moved towards the door.

"The medics are on their way right now and I've contacted your manager—took some cajoling and a couple of swears on his part, but you've got a week off of work. I suggest you spend your recovery time thinking about what's best—and personally, I don't think staring at a wall for god-knows how long is very much fun."

Then he turned and was gone from the doorframe; all Fai had was his turmoil, the empty, haphazard room, the faint sound of sirens in the distance.

* * *

In hindsight, Fai thought, as he wandered out into the tepid, steady rains, they were equally fucked-up decisions. Both would try to tear the things he was using out of his grasp without knowing why—or what—they were potentially creating.

But this way, at least, he could probably figure out some loophole, some vital, important thing that would keep him clinging to this reality that they took for granted.

He was getting his hair wet, he knew, but right now he was just too tired to summon up the energy to pull the hood over his head—too tired and apathetic like the rains today, not harsh and pelting or light and misting but steady, certain drops that only added to the grey monotony that made up this world.

He thought for a moment that he would like to stop and get a drink, perhaps a cup of coffee, no matter how stale and lukewarm it was in this day and age; he dismissed the thought as soon as it came up. He was already brushing shoulders and bumping into people just by walking; he cringed to imagine what it would be like in a coffee shop, with the seats long taken and the corners breeding their huddled, chilled masses trying to drink their coffee, the line that seemed to stretch on and on like the streets before him.

This was his reality. It was bleak, gray, and tiring.

And he was working with all his might to maintain it. Because what he would do, what he was capable of doing if he just closed his eyes and let sleep kiss them, was far more terrifying, frightening with its uncertainty.

No. Better that these people with their average lives and their dull faces live than be torn asunder.

Fai checked his watch. It was now five minutes to ten—he'd get there with time to spare, he thought, as the bullet train hissed to a stop in the station, sleek and grey and shining. We'll go. We'll see what happens.

He was not a particularly religious person, but Fai said a little prayer that some good would come of this.

* * *

**End Notes**: Yeah, I'm sorry I did that to Icchan but I needed a doctor character and he was the first one that popped into my mind.

It is a short chapter for me, probably because it's the prologue and it just seemed like an appropriate place to end it. Upcoming chapters are longer and more involved.


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: CLAMP lets me play with them.

Thank you to Tsubasa-fan for reviewing last chapter!

* * *

"1031…1033…ah, here we go."

Fai stopped as he reached 1035 Wish Street, peering through the wet bangs plastered over his blue eyes at the building. It was a modest, almost pitiful thing, worn and drab from the years of rain that had beaten down upon it, with it's chipped gilt _Kyle Rondart, Ph.D. _sign on the front

Fai liked to consider himself a nice guy, willing to give anyone and everyone the benefit of the doubt, but…even he had to say that the one-floor establishment with its lackluster presentation failed to impress him. If he had been doing this of his own will at all, he would have looked for someplace else.

But as it was, he had "volunteered" to go to therapy and Rondart's name had been on the list that the government would pay for—if he wanted to get one of his own choosing he would have to pay for it himself. And, as the low gnawing in his belly reminded him, he simply did not have that luxury.

So all Fai did was smile and push the door open, not even wincing at the creek it made or the half-hearted, dying sputter of the tarnished bell.

The inside was just as disconsolate and empty as the outside, the carpet a threadbare mustard tan and the chairs tired, sagging things with cracked dirt-brown leather. The fluorescent lights hummed above, their life having sputtered out to weak sickly-yellow light; the only warmth in the room came from a lamp in the corner, where a small catlike creature with wings clung to the pole that held up the lampshade. Fai found himself staring at it, smiling a little.

"That's Sakura's," came a grunt, and Fai jolted a bit as his head jerked up. "She was our last secretary here. Sweet girl, but she had problems staying awake at work and remembering who had what appointments when, so Rondart-sensei cut her loose. Couldn't really bring myself to throw that out, though."

Fai watched the gruff, tan man speaking to him with growing interest as he pawed through the papers on his desk, listened as he muttered an angry curse washed down with coffee here, crumpled something and played trashcan basketball with some success there.

"…Why are you telling me this?" Fai asked, taking a few steps towards the desk."

The man stopped, blinked his too red (too-seeing, too-all aware) eyes and looked up. "…I don't know. 'Cause you look as miserable as a flea-ridden stray cat caught in the rain, and since she's left I haven't found anyone interesting to talk with."

This drew a nervous laugh out of Fai, and through his eyelashes he could see Kurogane watching his body, trying to catch a muscle relaxing, a lowering of his guard. "I suppose that's true."

"Hn."

"So what do I call you, Mr. Dark and Handsome?" Fai asked, leaning on the desk with both hands, observing the man through (not entirely intentional) half-lidded eyes.

"It's Kurogane, asshole."

"Kurona—Kuroagn—" Fai experimented with his tongue a little, then whined. "But that's so _haaaard_! You need an easier name, Kuro-isha."

The man stopped rifling through the mess on the desk, blinked hard, and then looked at the other. "…_what?_"

Fai smiled. "Kuro-psyche, Kuro-shrink, which one works for you? Or maybe I'll use them all."

Kurogane growled slowly, and Fai decided (wisely, he supposed) to not inform the other of the unhealthy tic just above his right eye. "What'll work for me, idiot, is my shoe up your—"

Both of them jumped at the sound of a buzzer; the man named Kurogane only sighed and pressed the flashing button on the phone, bringing it to his ear. "Yeah?...Oh, you're ready?...yeah, he's here…right. I'll be in with him in a—what? You're not letting me sit in? But…oh, fine. He'll be in soon." The other gave a wordless growl as he slammed the phone back into the receiver.

"You're Flourite, right? He's ready to see you now."

"Oh. Okay." Fai moved past him, to the door near the left-hand corner of the room. "…I'll see you later, Kuro-psycho."

As he closed the door and made his way down the hall he could have sworn he heard something hit the door behind him….

* * *

"Oh—come in," Kyle called. There was a pause, and then the door swung open.

In the hallway stood a young man—probably no older than 25 or 26—with pale skin, a mop of yellow hair, and two tired blue eyes to match his equally tired smile. His raincoat was draped over his right arm, the other resting on the doorframe.

"Mr. Flourite?" he asked, standing to take the soft, gentle hand that slid into his.

"Just call me Fai, Dr. Rondart," he responded, something in his voice soft and feminine. It was a quite tone, but one that was pleasing to the ear.

"Of course, of course. Now please, take a seat."

Fai nodded, taking a few steps back and settling himself into the chair. Kyle mimicked his motions and took the manilla folder, spreading it open.

"Let's just start with the basics, shall we? Fai D. Flourite, male—oh, you're 29, for some reason you struck me as younger—so you work as a janitor at Horitsuba High School?"

"Y-yes. It's a quiet job and…I like the kids."

Kyle raised an eyebrow, willing his annoyance away. That was…odd. Not what he'd expected. "I see…hmm, you moved here from Switzerland…nice country," Kyle said, smile wide and inviting. "Sadly that picture of the Alps is one that a friend took for me. I haven't had a chance to visit there yet."

"It is a nice country."

Kyle ignored the jealousy and anger pooling in his gut, leaning forward instead to obscure the frown on his face. "And…here we go, the reason why you're here. 'Abuse of sleep deprivation drugs and caffeine pills. Manner of procurement of prescriptions; unknown.'" Kyle flipped through the other pages, murmuring to himself and ignoring the way Fai shifted in his seat and looked away, fixing longingly on that picture. "…it says here you haven't had any previous offenses. Is this a fairly recent—oh, no need to look so panicked, Mr. Flo—Fai, what's stated in here is strictly confidential."

This seemed to relax Fai a bit and he leaned back, running a hand through his drying hair. "No. It's been this way for a while. I…used the copier at the school to print multiple copies of my prescriptions."

Kyle leaned back, ran a thoughtful hand over his chin. _These must be some hellish nightmares_, he thought, but held his tongue. "And why is that?"

Fai opened his mouth, closed it. Looked away, opened and closed again, making a distressed exhale. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"You wouldn't believe some of the things I've been told." Kyle's voice was cajoling and gentle. "Come now, Fai."

There was a pause, and when Fai spoke again there was a noticeable heaviness to his voice.

"…What if nightmares were real? What if you could _make_ them real?"

_Ah, there it is_. "Fai, everybody has nightmares. Is there something in—"

"No. You don't understand." A hint of desperation. "What if simply by dreaming something—simply by imagining that it could happen—it became so?

"What if in dreaming you remade the fabric of _this_ reality?"

* * *

Well, it was out. And now all Fai could do was go with it as he watched Kyle lean forward on his palms, looking at Fai with a neutral expression, not moving at all.

"Fai, please, all people fear that their nightmares can become reality, but you can't let that get to y—"

Fai wanted to scream. "No," he said, his voice a sob. "No, it's not like that. It's not."

"Then extrapolate. What is it like?"

Fai grasped around his mind, trying to find a way to explain it, but there was no other way.

"You see that picture over there? The one of the Swiss Alps? Say I dreamed instead of a horse. Say in my dream I _wanted_ it to be a horse. When I wake up…it will be the horse. It will always have been the horse, and not a picture of the Alps."

Kyle nodded as though he were indulging a child. "…Fai, have you ever been hypnotized?"

"H…hypnotized?" Fai echoed back, face contorting into a thoughtful frown.

"Yes. See, Fai—there are some fears that are so deep-set that we can't really get rid of them until we face them. Hypnosis can help with that; I can observe your sleep patterns and see what your mind is doing while you do so. I'll give you a suggestion about what to dream and see what happens. Maybe we can even use it to put a stop to this…problem that you say you have."

"How…can you do that?"

Kyle simply smiled and pointed to the corner. "There."

Fai turned in his seat and came face-to-face with…a bizarre contraption, a large hulk of metal, wires, flashing lights and buttons—and on top of it, what looked like a metal circlet and wires.

"This is what I call Augmentor. It hones in on the brain waves from REM and NREM sleep and records them—I can go back through them afterwards, see if there's anything unusual or different that we can try to fix."

"You mean…you can stop me from dreaming things in and out of existence?"

He almost didn't see the look of annoyance that crossed Kyle's face—as it was, it was as if it were a shadow, a figment of the imagination. "Yes. If that is what you want to stop, Fai, we'll do that."

Fai paused a moment, thought this over. Maybe…maybe if he let him do this, he could prove it to him. Could show Rondart that he wasn't babbling nonsense—that he was dangerous if this continued.

"…All right."

"Excellent!" Kyle said, standing and briskly making his way over to the machine. "Now you'll need to position this so that—"

"You want to do it now?" Fai asked, sputtering a little bit, hands gripping the armrests of his chair tightly.

"Yes—just a trial run, nothing serious, I just—of course, I won't do it if you don't want me to—"

He sighed, stood, and made his way slowly over to Kyle. "…all right," he said, and allowed an excited Kyle to correctly position the circlet and fetch a pair of earphones and a CD player.

"I've done this before with some of my other clients—this is the recording I typically use for all of them. Here, lay down…there we go. You're all right? Ready?"

_As ready as I'll ever be, I suppose_. "Yes."

"All right then." And then Kyle pressed play, and a voice told him over and over again_you are going to sleep, you are going to sleep, you are relaxing, floating, you are going to sleep…_

* * *

Kyle flicked the "on" switch on the Augmentor's console and allowed the disgusted frown that had wanted out all day long to come through as he watched Fai's face relax, his breathing even out. The jumping lines on the screen in front of him were beginning to even out—Fai's mind was entering the deep trance he'd observed when he and Kurogane had experimented with it in the past. Except this time he could _see_ it happening through the monitor and—

No. Musn't let his excitement run away from him.

Sighing, Kyle made his way around and removed the earphones. "Fai, can you hear me?"

"…yes…."

"Good. I want you to pay attention to what I am about to tell you. From here on in, whenever I touch your eyelids like this—" and he reached over and pressed his thumb and forefinger to them, "—you will immediately slip into a trance.

"Now then. Soon I am going to tell you to go to sleep. You are going to dream about…an animal. Any animal you want at all. When the dream is done you will wake up. And you are going to go to sleep…_now_."

Sure enough, Fai's breaths became shallower as he slipped from trance to slumber, but still even and deep. He marveled, however, not at the procedure he'd done thousands of times before but at the monitor. He'd designed the machine, of course, but it was still fascinating to watch what was going on as Fai's mind slipped from hypnosis to sleep and…wait a minute, what was that—

And then he felt it. A subtle tugging, a sluggish feeling in his mind, something that was changing, morphing, taking on something greater than itself—

He could not see the screen; couldn't even see the inside of his office. All he could see was the picture on the far side of the wall.

_there is a horse in the picture it's actually a horse but there were mountains there_

* * *

Kurogane squeezed his eyes, blinked a few times. Fucking headaches…and he'd left his bottle of Tylonel in the office.

He glanced over his shoulder at the door, heaving a sigh as he pushed himself up. The meeting was almost done anyway and he'd left it relatively close to the door. All he'd have to do was slip in, and…

And suddenly his head didn't hurt anymore.

Kurogane blinked a few more times. As quickly as it had descended the headache had vanished, leaving his eyesight clear.

…_What the hell_?

Kurogane made his way down the hall—nobody was waiting for him anyway, the waiting room could watch itself for all he cared—and slowly pushed the door open.

The idiot from before was sitting up, arching his back as he exaggerated a yawn. The instant he spotted Kurogane his face brightened in glee. "Kuro-quack!" he chirped.

Kurogane made a point of ignoring the blonde bastard and instead looked over at Kyle. "Are you two done in here yet?"

"Huh? Oh…yes, Kurogane-san, I just…did I ever tell you how I got that picture?"

"You mean the racehorse? Not much, just that some friend of a friend thought you'd like that picture." He glared pointedly at the blonde. "You. Out. Now."

"Be sure to schedule your next appointment with Kurogane-san, Fai-san." Kyle had sounded distant before, but now his voice was evening out, becoming crisp and clear and confident again as the psychiatrist turned back to his work.

"I will. Thank you, Doctor." And then Kurogane shut the door behind them and that was that.

The blonde's smile became sly as he glanced at Kurogane. "So, did Kuro-doctor miss me?" he asked, voice teasing and low. (Note to self, he thought: Ask Rondart-sensei about nervous tic developing above right eyebrow.)

"No."

"Hmm."

"Indeed. Are you going to stand there or schedule your next appointment?" Kurogane asked, plopping back down in the chair and looking pointedly up at the idiot.

His face was off to the side, though, eyes cast downwards. "…I honestly thought he'd be able to see," Fai murmured, running a hand through his hair.

"The hell?"

"Ah…no. I have to be somewhere. I'll call you, all right?"

"Fair enough."

Fai nodded, tossing his raincoat over his shoulders and arms again. "Well…I'll be seeing you, then," he said, and smiled, turning his back and drawing his hood over his head as he opened the door and left Kurogane with no other warmth than that from the lamp on the table nearby.

* * *

Comments and constructive criticism are much appreciated. 


End file.
